What consent does and doesn't look like
Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. The legal definition of consent is when we agree by choice and when someone has the freedom and capacity to make that choice.
Consent is also about respect, listening and communicating openly and understanding that you have full ownership of your body, what happens to it and how you share it with others.
The word consent itself sounds very formal, but we must talk about and understand it.
Consent is about mutual communication and agreement, and it should be clearly and freely communicated both ways.
Consent can be a verbal (saying yes) or affirmative expression (like returning positive physical contact or nodding) which can help both you and your partner to understand and respect each other’s boundaries.
Consent can also be limited. Just because you give consent to one action, doesn't mean that somebody has full reign of your body. For example, You may say yes to kissing, but no to sex. You can also change your mind. You can say stop at any time.
If your partner says no or cannot communicate their consent for any reason, that is not consent.
No means no.
No answer or indecisiveness (‘maybe’ or ‘not sure’) also means no.
If you’re still struggling with consent just imagine instead of initiating sex you’re making them a cup of tea. Watch this short video by Thames Valley Police.
Remember, consent cannot be given by individuals who are:
underage (under 16 years old in the UK) - even if they say yes, they are not legally able to give their consent.
intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol
asleep or unconscious
Unequal power dynamics such as engaging in sexual activity with an employee or apprentice, also mean that consent cannot be freely given.
Consent CAN look like this:
Saying “yes” or other affirming statements like “I would like to” or “I’m open to trying”
Positively returning conscious physical cues or jesters*
Checking in with your partner, such as asking “Is this still okay?” or “Are you happy?”
* Physiological responses like an erection, lubrication, arousal, or orgasm are involuntary, meaning your body might react one way even when you are not consenting to the activity and should not mean consent to the activity. Just because your body reacts doesn’t mean you emotionally wish for anything to happen or continue to happen. You can always stop and say no.
Content DOESN’T look like this:
Refusing to acknowledge “No” or “I don’t want to” statements
If the person says they are not sure, or uncomfortable
Refusing to acknowledge “Stop” or “I have changed my mind” statements
If the person is physically pushing or moving themselves away
If the person is incapacitated or unresponsive because of drugs or alcohol
If the person is visuality upset, disgusted or not interested in your actions
Anyone who is underage (this is under 16 years old in the UK)
Using any form of fear, intimidation, or emotional manipulation. Spoken or emotional statements like “If you don’t do this, it means you don’t like me.” Or physical threats like binning pinned or held in a manner you have not ask for
Assuming that because you have had consent before, you can engage in the activity again – “But we have had sex before?”
Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for anything more than what it is
Remember: You can always change your mind. You can stop. It is also okay to say “no” to some things and “yes” to others.
You can learn more about consent here.
https://uksaysnomore.org/learn/learn-sexual-violence/understanding-consent/
Sources:
https://reportandsupport.uca.ac.uk/support/what-is-consent
https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent
https://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/your-rights/age-of-consent-9106.html#:~:text='Consent'%20means%20to%20say%20yes,you%20could%20get%20into%20trouble.
https://uksaysnomore.org/learn/learn-sexual-violence/understanding-consent/
https://www.cps.gov.uk/sites/default/files/documents/publications/what_is_consent_v2.pdf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBvD3sACS4o
https://www.cps.gov.uk/sites/default/files/documents/publications/what_is_consent_v2.pdf
https://safeguarding.calderdale.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/safeguarding-consent.pdf
https://www.southtynesidesafeguardingappp.co.uk/consent-in-relation-to-safeguarding/
